Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My top five albums of all time!

Number 5) "Mullet rock anthems of the 70's and 80's!"

As if this needs an explanation! From Winger to Starship to the Ozark Mountain Daredevils (wait, who) this album is full of music that get's you up and ready for a good time! Girl just broke up with you? Boss man treating you like shit? Pop in this cd, hit up track 25, and let Night Ranger's melt your face off jam "Sister Christian" bring you back to were you belong! Rock on rock Gods! Rock the fuck on!!!




Number 4) "Clay Walker's greatest hits." 

When one thinks great country music, one NEVER thinks of Clay fucking Walker. But I can explain this mess. I grew up poor. And as a poor kid you learn to value anything that you can get your hands on. And somehow I got my hands on this jewel. Clay Walker's greatest (more like lamest) hits. But at the time I was young and MADLY in love. Like that obsessional high school I'm gonna die if she leaves me type of love. And with my mind being so twisted somehow Clay's songs spoke to me. "You're beginning to get to me." "Hypnotize the moon." "What's it to you." This album makes you laugh, it'll make you cry, and sometimes it makes you wish you couldn't hear anything at all (it's that fucking cheesy). But in my eyes, it's number four all time!

Number 3) Lifehouse's "No name face"!

For those of you who don't know who the band Lifehouse is, basically they produce music that makes Kenny G's shit seem hardcore. I mean, this band is LAME!!! If anyone ever heard me listening to this crap I'd be humiliated. But with that being said I can (unfortunately) sing every single track on this album word for word. And I have!!! Numerous times (alone of course). And how did I end up liking such a craptacular album? Here's how. I was shipped off to bootcamp back in 2001 and I went four months without being able to watch a television, read any magazines, books, or papers (aside from letters sent from home) and I was not allowed to listen to ANY music. They took all of that stuff away from us. But a week before graduation they let us go to the military's version of Wal-Mart (the PX) and we were allowed to buy one cd and a cd player with headphones. By the time my turn came up in line they only had two cd's left. Slim Thug and Lifehouse. I chose Lifehouse because I obviously wasn't going to listen to Slim fucking Thug! And let me tell you, when you go four months without hearing any music other then drill sergeant cadence, Lifehouse is the greatest shit you have ever heard! I know it's gay, but "No name face" is in my top five!!!


Number 2) "Cher's greatest hits".

This album has touched me since day one! Whenever I look back at the moments in my life that have moved me, the times I've had that have set my heart on fire, that have filled my very soul with pure love, joy, and happiness, moments that I will forever cherish, Cher was there. Whenever I lost my virginity, I went home, laid in bed, and spent the night crying to "I found someone". Cher was there. Whenever my heart was crushed by a girl for the very first time, "If I could turn back time" helped me through it. Cher was there. Heck, just last summer I went outside on a warm and muggy night, laid down on top of a blanket in the middle of an open field, turned my iPod on to "Believe", then proceeded to have a real life spiritual experience as I watched the universe entertain me with a meteor shower while Cher's angelic voice took me to a different place. That's right… Cher was there. She's always been there.

Number 1) Metallica "Ride the Lightning"

What? I'm not a fag ya know! Ha!


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