Yes, I wear eyeliner. I sometimes spend up to twenty minutes in the bathroom fixing my hair too. Oh, and I love tight fitting colorful t-shirts. And because of these rather odd things, often times men tend to question my "manliness". But what they fail to understand however is that there are certain things a dude can do that give him an automatic lifetime membership into the man club. And guess what, I've done one of those things. My guy card is forever stamped! It will never to be revoked. And why? Because yours truly has fought in a war. That's a guarantee spot in the the man club right there, no matter how much makeup I put on.
But fighting in a war isn't the only way to get a permanent invite. There are tons of other manly things a guy can do that will land him an all access card. And below is just a few of those things. Maybe you yourself qualify.
ASTRONAUT.
This is pretty self explanatory. These guys are complete studs! And being able to call yourself an astronaut automatically gets you a lifetime membership. Picture it now, you're at some stuffy party with your new girlfriend. You don't know anybody, it's all of her friends. Every guy who introduces himself tells you how great he is. I graduated from Yale, top of my class. I played college football for Notre Dame. I work on Wall Street with some of the top investors. Oh yeah, I flew into fucking space! Checkmate.
BULL RIDER!
Um, if you have rode one bull in your life then sir, please take this seat next to me. The "I don't give a fuck" attitude it takes to mount this 2,000 pound muscled out psychotic beast is what being a man is all about.
HUNTER (BUT NOT WITH A GUN).
A lot of people hunt. But to qualify for a lifetime membership in the man club, you had to have killed a wild animal that weighed at least as much as you with something other than a vehicle or a gun. So if you've taken a deer out with a bow, a wild boar with a machete, or a mountain lion with a battle ax, which by the way would make you the leader of the man club, the key to the front gate is at your doorstep.
HAD A THREESOME (WITH THE THIRD MEMBER BEING ANOTHER WOMAN OF COURSE).
First off, I don't care if the two chicks you hooked up with were hogs. This isn't a beauty contest. I mean, it's hard enough convincing one girl to sleep with you, let alone two girls at the same time. So if you've accomplished this, welcome aboard. Your invite is in the mail.
KICKED NATURES ASS! WELL, SURVIVED IT AT LEAST.
If you were attacked by a chimpanzee in the African safari, a shark in the Pacific ocean, a bear in the Colorado mountains, insert whatever wild animal here, and lived to tell about it, man card stamped! And I don't care if whatever you faced took an arm. If you're still alive and breathing after battling the fiercest things this planet has to offer, there's room in the club for you.
JORTS!
Okay, this one doesn't get you in. But my friends, this is the prize! You see, if you qualify for a lifetime membership you too can get away with rocking these sweet jorts whenever you want. Jorts are clearly what separates the men from the boys. I'm not sure what the man in the above picture did to qualify for his lifetime membership, but I can only imagine it was spectacular.
Now these are just a few things that get you in for good. There are tons of other stuff as well. Hope to see all you manly men soon in the VIP room. Wait, did that sound gay? Good Lord, it's a good thing I fought in that war. Otherwise I'd be in the Fairy Club for Lady Boys.
